Bid Adieu 2019

New Year Diary

Gone is another period of 365 days which makes a year. This time, it was 2019. Clinging to the last notch of the year until the clock ticks 12 tonight, I look back at those 365 days to say something about them.

When the year started, I made my own set of resolutions and like any ordinary person, could not follow them all to the letter. But the whole picture seems colorful to me. Apart from the dull shades of gray, white and black, there are other colors like the red of victory, the orange of cheer, the yellow of enthusiasm, the green of vitality and the blue of energy. So the painting of 2019 seems so perfect, so immaculate that I do not feel like saying, ‘it could have been better’.

I had some plans for my writing, health, marriage and a hell lot of co-curricular activities. One of the ideas was to start writing technical articles. But where to start from was a dilemma. I did not know how the addition of another writing category would treat me. Would I find myself ruining it up or would I bode enough to continue writing such sophisticated topics? I struggled with procrastination and my disinterest. It took me one month. But I wrote. The topic was ‘Blockchain’. Little did I know, the idea had to pave way for unexpected achievements.

My first technical post got the highest number of likes and comments on my personal blog and when it was published in a business magazine, I got the first award from my company for the professional publication. I never asked for it, hoped for it, planned for it. But when I embarked on a journey of the unseen destination, opportunities began to bloom.

The same year I also came to realize that persistence is supreme quality. As a personal initiative, I had been decorating rangoli on every Diwali in my office atrium. I do this to give a little spiritual tribute to my workplace for all that I have received – a handsome salary, regular lunch and lots of motivation. But this year, I was also blessed with an award for enhancing the market value of the company by Rangoli making. This kind of award was introduced for the first time in the company to recognize the creative works.

This year, I confronted my fears. Once I got a call from the organization committee of my company. They needed an anchor for the company’s function to celebrate the milestone achievement of a large-scale project. God knows how I dread public speaking. I was not confident enough about myself. But I took the bait with a belief that the lady who called me definitely found me competent for this job. I proved her right when I got the appreciation letter from the company director being it a major target project for the management.

I participated in all the sports events and essay competitions which brought further winning prizes enough for the people to look at me with dignity. It fills me with pride because participating in various activities boosts your energy level and mind power. This is one of the reasons why I felt more satisfied at work this year. I think job satisfaction is a collective result of refinement of thoughts, understanding your weakness, maintaining good interpersonal behavior and always adopting a win-win approach.

I do not count success by the number of awards, but the scars of battles one chooses to fight. Efforts are more important than winning because they impart learning, teach new values and make you competent for upcoming challenges.

Talking of failures during the year which I would count as learning opportunities, I would like to refer to my matrimonial hunt. Despite what society says or how I personally feel the need of a partner, I do not consider the long waiting as a curse because talking to and meeting the prospective matches added up to a lot of grooming for me.

I learned how the people of my generation think and prioritize things. I did not expect what people call a matrimonial hunt would turn out something like research for me. The results are quite disheartening when I find the boys of today so fearful, so manipulative and so narrow-minded. From my meetings, I came to realize that they keep secrets from their family especially because of a low-value system. Most of the people are impassively serving a nine-to-five job. Their thought process is limited and confined to the boundaries of livelihood. Hence they would not expect their partners doing anything other than fulfilling the basic necessities of life such as serving a job or managing the household. Anything like a progressive mindset, adventurous ideas or passion disturbs their stagnancy.

Another thing which I figured out from those meetings is people of all ages do not know the difference between religion and spirituality. Religion is what they follow without knowing its true meaning. Spirituality is the knowledge of the self which is no different from the knowledge of God. Spirituality teaches us to worship the supreme invisible power which revolves around us, which is inside and outside of us, which is everywhere. From the novel ’The forty rules of love’ by Elif Shafak, which I read during the year, I came to realize that:

The path to God can be considered as a gushing river. Those who look at it from a distance see only one river. For those swimming in it, there are four currents. Like different types of fish, some of us swim closer to the surface while some others swim in deep waters down below. Those who like to swim close to the surface are content with the outer meaning of the worship. Many people are like that. They take the verses too literally. No wonder think that the people who do not visit the temple regularly are atheists. The second current is deeper than the first, but still close to the surface. As our awareness expands, so does our grasp of the meaning of God. But for that to happen, we need to take the plunge. The third undercurrent is esoteric reading. If you read Bhagwad Geeta with your inner eye open, you’ll see that duty of humankind is not to work for the results, it is the work itself. So going to the temple with greed for something is not the duty of mankind. Each one of us is born with a purpose to serve humanity. The ways to do that can differ, but the purpose remains the same. So the third current teaches us the purpose. The fourth level is unspeakable. There is a stage after which language fails us. When we step into the zone of love, we won’t need language.

I believe that the journey is more important than the destination. Had I found my match so early, I would miss the treasure of experiences which added value to my learning and understanding of people. This journey taught me patience, empathy, courage, and knowledge about the self. So with the going year, I thank all those people with all my heart who taught me something or the other through those matrimonial interviews. Some of them became friends. Rest are forgiven.

This year, I found a great improvement in my health. I ate all kinds of fruits to my taste (thanks to dad) and loved all the vegetables which gave a flavor of life (thanks to mom and my sister-in-law). I believe that health is the basic aspect of life that should not be compromised for anything. Hence, I was determined to add a health ritual to my routine. A couple of years ago, I was bored by the gym, so this year, I would go to the park in the early morning for meditation, exercise, yoga and observing people for my stories. Then I started going to the terrace. It felt so peaceful and spiritual once connected with nature which is full of divine energy. Then my routine shifted to zumba classes where we all girls would have a happy time of fun and togetherness. But in one month, when the classes closed, I learned some aerobic moves and continued doing them sincerely. Today, on the last day of the year I feel happy to have built a routine of exercise. In between, I keep doing experiments, like imagining a yoga pose and then pushing my body for flexibility. I feel surprised to see my body articulating well.

I also learned to become a child. Thanks to my two-year-old niece. She taught me so many things only a child can. Because children are the mirror of God. I could only be surprised to see how quickly children learn by themselves and how positively they see everything. I feel we adults too were like that but our mind gets polluted with many negative factors and trivia with time.

The year gave me nothing to blame for. I have no complaints or regrets. I feel none of us should. It fills me with immense gratitude (for everyone who touched my life) to say that my heart has become a vast ocean of love, patience, and fulfillment which prays for the betterment and wisdom of all.

So feeling blessed, protected and guarded, I happily bid goodbye to the year with loads of gratitude and rejuvenated hopes of learning, creating, doing greater things in the upcoming year.

Here is a list of things (in random order) I feel thankful about during the year: