When I left from my house, a song playing on the street flirted with my ears. I felt overwhelmed carrying the sweet smile of a teenager. In a smart pair of casual checked shirt and jeans, I felt bouncy, treading the road, kicking the stones. Well, I was not going to my office today for an ‘adventure’ I had already planned last night.

I would spend the whole day in the library which I visited during the last winter. There, I would read and write to my satisfaction away from all the distractions, responsibilities and pressure.

The sheer idea of it was already giving me tingles. And feeling like a pretty college girl added more to the spark. I boarded a mini bus and occupied the only vacant seat left over the bonnet. Everything appeared same as before, including the ‘desi songs’ which RTV buswalas usually play at loud volume enough to take me to a romantic world of fantasy back then. I eagerly wished, if I still had to take the next bus from the upcoming stop for college on a fresh morning like this.

As my eyes fell on the rear view mirror of the bus, I was dazzled at my glowing skin. I swear I never looked this nice during those times. If the time could sweep in reverse direction, my crush could see me in this avatar. Who.knows, it might be a different story.

I wondered if I could be this cheerful, this beautiful, this adventurous during that time. But maybe this is the right time to be all this. Maybe.

I enjoyed this ‘me’ anyway under an absolute impression of a younger, less mature girl and walked into the library where such others were studying. We were a team!

I spread my belongings on the table and slumped in the comfortable rag (I love this library for such comfortable sitting options). I read some part of Shobha De’s autobiography, whose choice of words inspires me and then started with the tourism article I had been working on.

It felt good. Only that, I could not sleep in a public place. But it was the same reason for choosing a public library over home. It’s a nice feeling to see students flipping the pages of their academic books, solving the sample paper questions and scribbling the notes into those cheap grey papered registers.

Having gone through the same phase, I could tell how it is to set daily academic targets, which would never be fully achieved. This bitterly sweet feeling was something that kept us going. I missed buying those grey papered registers and devouring those voluminous books, the never-ending syllabus and having worried discussions over them during exams.

I heard two boys chattering. One said how bored he felt to start with Mathematics. I felt empathy. Math problems were really complex. There are some chapters which go over your head. I recalled my hope of solving all the problems, practicing the similar ones, discussing with friends, what not. I was good with less complaining and more efforts which helped me being one of the highest scorers.

But I also realized that being one of the toppers doesn’t give you happy memories. There is nothing as cheerful as hanging out with friends during boring lectures, or being notorious for something funny enough, or getting into small troubles. I had all that too but very less frequently than the others. Now it seemed that the chances which I never took with such things are gone forever.

 I was happy to be among those kids, who were sincerely craving for something which I already possess… a well paying government job. I bet, given a chance, they would love to swap places with me, just like I would.

But what about this time, the present? It maybe another chance to do some other, or even better things than I could do before. So we should get going with no regrets whenever we look back.